LOVE AND SEX (THE LOVE RACE 2)

Love and Sex do you think they go together? This was a question posed to my readers in one of my publications. To some of the readers of my bulletin, they believe that they walk hand in hand and yet to others they say that they are two different ball games. Well in this post I will try to face the facts and the truths that surround this matter squarely, based on my finding and personal discoveries and experience. You are very much welcome to this roller coaster ride called THE LOVE RACE 2.

           

I will try to be very brief in what I am about to write, but I will be glad if you will keep what you will get from it very well in your memory.

           

Love & sex do not go together when people are not yet married. Love & Sex are two separate issues when people are still singles. Love & sex can’t be separated when people are married. Love & Sex become one word when couple has said the words “I do,” “till death do us part.”

           

Sexual intercourse is sacred and it is reserved only for married couples. Sex between married couple is fulfilling God’s divine plan and purpose for marital companionship. Sex in marriage is a way of living within the marriage circle. It is an everlasting obligation and not a sign of love. It is not a proof that you love your spouse. God designed sexual intercourse just for the two people who are duly married. Sexual satisfaction has nothing to do with two people who have not taken the oath or marital vow. If by omission or commission someone marries who he/she does not love he/she have to stick to him/her, until death comes in between to separate them. And if you are married to someone who because of sickness, age or accident lost his/her sexual potency...the bitter truth is that you must stick to him/her, and never to seek sexual satisfaction outside your matrimonial home. If you do seek it outside your home then you have committed the sin of adultery. The sin of adultery is a punishable offence.

           

Some people may be shocked to learn that sexual intercourse was God’s idea. He wove the sexual dimension of our personality into the very fibre of our beings. We are sexual beings in every way. Sexual attraction is no accident. God made a helpmeet for Adam in His lonely state long before there was ever any mention of procreation (Genesis 2:18, 20-23). Marital companionship and sexual union were all God’s plan when He created humans. God did it that way to end man’s isolation with incredible joy. Don’t forget that this is for those who are legally married and not for live-in lovers.

The word Love & Sex always get mixed up in the life of unmarried couple. Honey, listen to me: you don’t have to prove to a man that you love him by giving in to his sexual advances. Many ladies and girls (single) out there believe that they can only make the men in their lives see the proof of their love by giving him sex. Sexual compatibility is never a sign of strong love between you and your “Date.” I discovered that the major reason why some relationships that looked so good got broken is because of pre-marital sex. It has been over said and over written “you can’t trap a man down with sex.”

God, morality and even religion is against pre-marital sex. But our dress codes, Romance novels, Music Videos, Hollywood & Nollywood films seem to be promoting and encouraging it with reckless abandon. I think every parent should be careful with the content of the book, music video, or movies his/her children/wards are occupying their spare times with.

           

Let me say this especially to unmarried girls and round up this topic. What many girls do not know is that most guys are experimenting with each relationship they get involved in. Baby believe me, I am very sorry for you if you are having sex with the guy you are moving with right now because to some of you that is the greatest mistake you have ever made.

           

Before you call me a bluff; don’t forget that I am a guy, and I was never born an angel. Now what if that guy in your life is experimenting? What if he thinks that you are no more good enough for him? What pride do you have left? You know you can’t compete with a man when it comes to that because (1) a man is not bonded to a woman because of sexual intercourse, (2) a man does not respond to a woman’s sexual desire because of Love but because of pride (e.g. He’ll say, if I don’t do it with her another guy will do it with her or if I don’t do it with her she will call me a “mugu”). (3) no amount of sexual commitment you give to a guy will make him love you more than he already does (i.e. if he loves you at all), and finally (4) a man does not come back to you after having sex with you because he loves you, he comes back to you because you are now a prey or (one of) his conquest.

I will be a liar to say that all guys will leave the girl they have had sex with. Not all guys do that. A guy who really loves his girl will stick to her even if they are having sex every day. Again it is not all guys who ask you for sex have bad intention in their heart. Some asks for sex because (1) that is what he feels, and just wants to bond with you. He wants to bond with you sexually so that he wouldn’t fall for another girl. (2) Some want to have sex with you because he can see through your eyes that you really need it. He doesn’t want to starve you of the satisfaction that comes with sexual intercourse. He doesn’t want to hurt you.

There are some guys who will really shower you love and affection even after making love to you. There are some guys who will always be there for you after having tasted your sweetness. There are some guys who will never let you go or even hurt you after you have gone all the way with them. There are girls today that are married to the guys that were their boyfriend for a very long time, and they were having sex as many times as they want: and right now they are enjoying their marriage. So I cannot tell you that if you have sex with a man he must hate you. It is not absolute truth. Even some people reading this write up have and are enjoying their relationship with their sex partner. However, the chances of meeting this “good guy” is so slim. It is about 3%. This is the reason why we have so many people crying and heaping abusive words on ‘love’ than those who actually talk good of ‘love.’ This is the singular reason why we have more girls with a “my heart was broken” record than those without it.

One thing is that sex is an avoidable activity in a marriage world. One sign of maturity is “self control.” Don’t get involved because all your friends are already in it. Most of your friends that are in it are hiding their exact relationship estate. Some of your friends and people around you that are into sexual relationship want you to see the sugar coated part of it so that you will come in and have a taste of the bitter side of it.

Don’t forget this… having sex does not make you a big boy or a big girl. The truth is that in most cases it makes you a weeping girl or a fearing guy. It leaves you with red eyes, hurting heart and painful stories that comes after a heart break. Most times it leaves agony instead honey in your life’s LOVE RACE.

Finally, love and sex are not brothers and sisters. You can love without getting involved sexually and you can also have sex with a person without even thinking about love. If you doubt me ask those who have at one time or the other get involved in what is called “one night stand” or ask those who visit prostitutes. What of those who get you a job or do you some favour by sleeping with you. You can truly love without ever thinking sex. And you can be sexually compatible without ever been in love. Having sex is not a sin but having sex outside marriage is a huge sin before God and human beings.

If you have made this mistake you can stop it right now. Don’t tell me you can’t, Baby you can. If you don’t know how, seek counseling from someone who can give you good counsel (Proverbs 11:14).

Friends don’t ever think that sexual intercourse is a sign of love… see you next week… I love you still

           

FOLLOW ME ON A LOVE RACE

What do you think about “Love”? Or should I say what about the common experience people call “Love”? Is love combination of what looks good to the eye and makes the heart race? Doesn’t everyone experience the same euphoric feelings when they (fall) are in love? The first time you (you think) are in love how great was (is) your feelings? Oh!, I know that I may probably be reminding you about the first time you (fall) are in love. Your heart skipped whenever he/she was around or whenever you heard (hear) his/her voice. Anytime you perceive the aroma of his/her perfume that butterfly feelings makes your head to swell. Oh! What-sha-ma-I-say? Sometimes Sirnoel can be a little controversial. Please just follow me as I flow…

           

Friend if physical reactions accurately define love; why are there so many divorces today? Sky-high divorce rate and brake up in relationships strongly indicates there must be more to love than natural short-lived emotional reactions. People have kept on failings in and out of love. Why? Because they have never really told “themselves” the truth. From my teen age I have always hated the word “Fall-in-love.” I discovered that people who always fall in love never take time before they fall-out-of love again.

           

I am very frustrated with the abuse heaped on the word “Love”. It is manipulated by the media (movies, soft sale magazines, Books on fictions) and use sloppily by nearly everyone else. Well I am not a follower of Cupid (Roman god of love) but I want to try in my own best way to set the record straight. (Someone would ask which record?) Funny Sirnoel…lol

           

Most “Lovers” have the chemistry thing working for them but they seldom remain together long enough to explore more into each others life. It would interest you to note here that I didn’t try to define love. I think I should live that for another day. Though I didn’t define love here as you already know, however, let me tell you the things love does and what love won’t do. Please remember that there’s nothing like TRUE LOVE or FALSE LOVE. Love is Love. (Anyway this is my own opinion, you can argue it; so don’t swallow it hook, line and sinker).

Before I round up this piece, you have to know that: (1) Love does not and can’t hurt. It is lack of love that hurts. (2) Love cannot be used to manipulate, if one person is manipulating another, then that’s lack of love. (3) People do not stay in abusive relationship because of love. They stay because they are scared, they believe they don’t have options or they have low self-esteem. (4) The power of love is always giving, expansive, joyful and creative. It is impossible to twist love into a negative purpose. Romans 13:10 says “Love does no harm to a neighbor.”

Therefore, don’t blame love for the problems you are having in your relationships (Marriage & Courtship).

The root of our (human) problems, all of our problem is lack of love. You may hardily believe this, but it is true. War is not about territory or resources or power or control, but war is of fear, and fear is a product of lack of love. My good friend, build your love, stray out of the line of fear and manipulation. Well...

Wait for me next week as we run a LOVE RACE.

           

THE VOYAGE OF EVERY HUMAN BEING

I  Onuigwe Chidi Sirnoel, just walked into my house few minutes ago from a place where we went to say farewell to a very old person. When I was there and was seeing all that was been done; I was wondering what one has to gain from this the toils of this world. It dawned on me that one day I (we all) shall fade away like stars of the morning. When I (we all) shall lose the light of the glorious sun, thus I (we all) would have passed from this wonderful earth and its toiling only then shall people around me (us) who are alive remember me (us) by what I (we) have done.

I was meditating when the song FADING AWAY (SSS 798) was being sung. Therefore I was asking myself what I am really doing here on earth. What are my friends doing here on earth? Then these questions from the song were going on inside of me. Shall I (we) be missed by others that will succeed me (us)?  What is that that I have sown in springtime that they would reap? When I (we) the sower(s) must have passed away, what kind of fruit will I (we) live behind for my (our) children and those coming after me (us)? Shall I (you) be missed? Shall those alive say “praise God this evil has gone?” shall I (you) be missed? Many families today are doing “family deliverance.” Others are doing “breaking of curses.”  Why because someone lived his/her life sowing evil seed that has kept his/her children in a perpetual bondage.

Only the truth that in life I (we) have spoken will live here long after I (we) gone. The cars I (we) was able to buy, the house I (we) built, the fashionable shoes and dresses that filled my (our) wardrobe and the kind of high “profile” parties I (we) organized and attended will make no meaning. (NOTE: I AM NOT SAYING THAT THESE THINGS ARE WRONG). But what will be left for my (our) children and those after me (us) to harvest are the fruit of what I (we) have done.

Friends don’t you know that the ills in Nigeria and other African countries are caused by the carelessness of our past leaders. Friends these our leader of the past never thought of tomorrow. They lived their lives as if there is no future. Those who messed up Nigeria’s economy in the 80s & 90s never thought about you and I and our unborn children. Friends what are you doing with the life you have now? Friends we always talk about how our forefathers sold us for nothing. We always blame our past leaders but we are doing worst than they have done. Today all we talk about Nelson Mandela; he is the symbol of good leadership. He is being praised and celebrated in all the events of life, all because he sowed a good seed.

Finally friends, when the Savior shall make (wake) up His jewels, when the bright crowns of rejoicing are won. Then all those who have lived their lives with tomorrow and eternity in their mind will be remembered by what they have done. What will be your stand? Friends our lives do not end here. Friends our lives continue long after we live this place. If you close your eyes now in death where will you find yourself?

Death is the voyage of every one of us. Jesus Christ died for us to be remembered both on earth and in eternity. You have a better opportunity now to make up with him if you have not, and if you have please share this with your friends so that they can made amend where necessary.

I love you dearly… but never forget that DEATH is THE VOYAGE OF EVERY HUMAN BEING and you will only be remembered by what you have done, here and in life to come.

BECAUSE CHINUA TOUCHED THE HONEST BUBBLE (PART ONE)..

There was a country a book written by Chinua Achebe Has caused more than just a stare in many quarters both in and outside Nigeria. THERE WAS A COUNTRY was “just” a memoirs that has turned into a book. Many people from different quarters sees the book as a master piece while many others sees it as a senile man’s write-up. I remember reading what a Yoruba friend of mine wrote about Chinua Achebe, he called him names. After reading it I laughed. Chinua Achebe is not just an Igbo man to me but we are actually from the same state (does it matter?).

So I took my time to go online to read people’s opinion about the book. As funny as it may be, the Igbos praised the book, the Yorubas  called Chinua Achebe names & Hausa/Fulani are yet to make a published statement. To me THERE WAS A COUNTRY is more than a book it is like the Bible Book of Revelation. This book opened eyes beyond history and theoretical teachings. The reason why many people are against the book is because it is trying to open a wound that our political leaders think that is healed.  

I am one of those few Igbos that believe in one Nigeria. Well from my own findings Ojukwu was not out to make the Biafrans become a country of their own. It was because the Gowon led government didn’t do what was in Aburri agreement. Ojukwu wanted a country where his (Biafra) people will be free to go around without being afraid that they will be killed. Zik stood for one Nigeria and he died with that believe. If you look round Zik is the only Nigerian both among living and dead that has streets or something named after him in every state of the federation (I stand to be corrected). The Nigeria that Zik longed for and the Nigeria that Ojukwu fought for has not yet materialized. The information that has eluded so many Nigerian is that Ojukwu never fought for Nigeria to be divided. Ojukwu wanted a Nigeria where every Nigerian especially the Igbos would be free to move around without molestation and fear of being killed. It was when he didn’t get what he was looking for that he opted for the later; WAR. He actually went for a separate country and that country was called BIAFRA. I am yet to know what and where that name BIAFRA came from. A friend of mine from Puerto Rico told me that in their place Biafra is a name for rejected people or those living in a far place. This actually gave me hard time thinking about it. Does it mean that we the Biafrans are rejected or does it mean that we are living in a very far place from Nigeria? Looking at it from any angle we are both rejected and living in a far place from Nigeria’s main stream.

The Nigerian civil war ended over 40 years ago but the war is still raging in every sector against the same people. Biafrans are not only the Igbos, the Ibibios, Effiks, Anans, Ogojas etc are all Biafrans. These people I mentioned are passing through untold hardship from this marriage called Nigeria. Bakassi issue is aftermath of the war. Can you tell a Bakassi indigene that the war has ended? How can the war end when he is losing or has lost his ancestral home? He did not lose it because he was careless or because he sold out. But because Gowon wanted to punish the Ojukwu’s Biafra. Chinua Achebe only published notes of the things he saw or jotted down during and after the war. When I hear our house of Assembly members talk about Bakassi issue, I only laugh because some of them know that they are fighting a lost battle.

There are many untold stories of the war. Those who knew what happened are keeping quiet. Why are they keeping quiet? What are they hiding from the rest of us? So anybody that tries to talk becomes an enemy. What happened between Gowon and Ahmadu Ahijo the then president of Cameroon? Gowon the then Nigeria head of State in the year 1967 entered into a written agreement with the then Cameroonian president Ahmadu Ahijo of blessed (evil) memory and in that agreement Gowon seeded Bakassi to Cameroon so that Biafra would not be able to get help from France or any other country. Because that is the only gateway to get food or help to the Biafran starving people. Gowon sold the good people of Bakassi for nothing. Gowon did so much wrong to the good people of Bakassi. 

Awo & Ken Saro Wiwa were the two people that hurt the Biafras most. What Awo did hunted him politically till he died. Saro Wiwa himself helped the Nigerian government to seize all the properties owned by the Igbos in Port Harcourt. I have just finished reading a review of the book by Noo Saro-Wiwa whom I believe is a child of Ken Saro Wiwa for the GUARDIAN UK. Funny as it may be Achebe was perfectly right in the things he said. Awolowo the then finance minister was the person that paid 20pounds (Nigerian) to Igbos not minding how much Biafran pounds you have. The truth still remain that the then Nigerian government wanted to render Igbos “economic useless and perpetual beggars“ but unfortunately the fighting spirit of the Igbo man is beyond stopping by any human being. The northerners and Yoruba who knew what happened during the civil war are still amazed on the kind of infrastructural development they see at a place like Onitsha by 1980 which had no standing building by 1970. From my findings as a child, Awo wanted total “economic annihilation“of the Igbos, thank God it didn’t work.

When Chinua Achebe said the Igbo intellectuals were the only ones that wanted one Nigeria. That is true because Ahmadu Bello focused on his people and Awo focused on his people and Zik our own man focused on the whole Nigeria. Even today it is only Igbos that are still looking for one Nigeria.

Thanks so much. Well as for Zik i respect him so much but he never really suported the war. He was just being a good states man (i dont know about him messing around). Everybody that contributed to the death of innocent Biafrans are paying a heavier price today. I want to say this here...from my findings OJUKWU who I love still even in death, it is because of the love I have for him that made me to study the civil war and its itinerary. Ojukwu never fought cos he wanted a country. He fought because his people were being murdered by the northerners. Gowon, Awo, Saro Wiwa are all war criminals. Ojukwu is not also that innocent but he fought for what I still called a justified cause.

Check out investment of the Igbos all over the country. How many companies and industries does Hausas & Yorubas have in Igbo land? Dangote a Nigerian that I love so much has no establishment anywhere in Igboland (i stand to be corrected if he has). Until 1990 or 1992 there was no important federal government establishment in anywhere in Igboland except UNN which was a brain child of Zik and UNN is also the first University in Nigeria not UI (that is for latter discussion). However, the success of Igbo man is in his ability to mix well with other tribes, tongues and nationalities. Igbos are seing wealth where others see death. Igbos are nationally a people who believe in democracy & independent. What is happening amongst igbos is not “acrimony“but “it is a you are not my God attitude“which makes every lazy person in this world to hate them. So Igbos goes to other countries and dig up gold which they bring home.

The War ended in 1970. But politically the war is still raging. Educationally the war is still on. To GOD be the glory for the fighting spirit of the Igbo man. Thank GOD for the spirit of survival of the Igbo man. I was not born during the war. But as a little boy I was interested on my people. I wanted to become a soldier to fight for my people but somehow GOD has other plans for me. I will not be directly involved with politics but I will live to see that the sweat and blood of our heroes past won’t be a waste.

So many of us born many years after the Nigerian civil war know nothing about the war. When will Nigeria teach her children what happened during the war? We talk of Alexander the Great, Napoleon, world war 11 but our own civil war is a taboo. Because some people think that if it is taught in our schools they will open old wounds. But the wounds are still fresh as they were during and immediately after war. Nobody is talking about what really happened to Bakassi people. Is it not time we tell our children that we sold out Bakassi to economically block a starving people?

Finally I believe in Nigeria. I believe that there will be no more civil war in Nigeria. I believe that Nigeria will not breakup. I love green white green. I love Nigeria. I always say that NIGERIA is GOD‘S VISION. God bless NIGERIA.