INTRODUCTION
Heart break
is not what anybody wishes when going into any form of relationship. Heart break
is not what anybody wishes when going into any venture. However, heart breaks
always happen to us all in one way or another. Because there is a saying that
says, “bad things happen to good people.”
Why did I use this quote? I used it because I have heard many people say that
because of how good they are or their partners are such would not happen to
them. But if you look well around you, you will see people who from human perspective
have no business with pain of heart break. There are people who have no reason
to cry, but right now, they are crying because they are facing (faced) heart
break.
Another thing I have to say before moving forward this time
here is this: people always think of “emotional break up” that is a man and a
woman calling it quit in their friendship or marriage, anytime they hear about
heart break. I want to submit that heart break happen to us in more different
ways other than that. Sitting for exam you hope to make your papers A and find
yourself making D or even F will bring you a heart break. When your business
partner(s) cheats you and make away with your money or profit, you will face a
level of heart break. When a parent(s) after training the child in higher
institution and that child got killed while serving his/her country will bring
heart break to such parent. Even when a parent(s) has spent so much for a child
to become a better person and that child lives a wayward life, that parent will
certainly have a heart break. What will you say when someone lost a much loved
one (wife or husband) to the cold hands of death. Having said this it will make
you to start thinking of how many times your heart has been broken either by
human being or circumstance.
So people of all ages pass through heart break. People of all
races pass through heart break. We all have been through heart break in one
time or another. There are people today who are where they are because of the
pain they went through when they were faced with heart breaking situation. The most
important thing to do when faced with a heart break is to stand up and move on
with your life. If you stay down because of what has happened to you or what is
happening to you now, then you would not ever move forward in life. People will
sympathize with you but they would never be able to make your life better.
LET US ROLE NOW:
I will write more on relationship heart break. The one I call
EMOTIONAL HEART BREAK. Sometimes it becomes painful but very much inevitable. Sometimes
the best thing to do is break up a relationship that is actually working but
not leading to anywhere. Medical reasons are one the reasons why break up happens
to us. You can be so much in-love with someone whom because of nature (genotype)
AS + AS issue sends each of you in a different road. Human being, circumstance
and nature break our heart and set us up on the path of break up.
Breaking up is not easy. And the more you love someone
the more painful it will be when you have to stop seeing him/her. Indeed,
we often have no choice but never see each other again, and therefore it’s
worth knowing how to get over those break ups and continue moving forward with
our lives with the right mindset, and not continuing drowning ourselves in
self-pity or indulging in any kind of self destructive post-break-up behavior
for too long after. Losing a loved one inevitably breaks one’s heart and
learning how to heal that broken heart is very important to our emotional
health and to our ability to return to enjoying dating life promptly.
1.
Do not ignore the way you feel. Tell yourself
the truth that it hurts to break up. Tell yourself the truth that you have not been
the way you were when you two were together. Never pretend that it is nothing because “the truth we tell our self helps to heal us
of all the pain and shame of life.” You must be very truthful to yourself
and to your families. When a trusted member of your family ask you about it
tell him/her the truth of how you feel exactly. Tell your pastor/priest or spiritual director
how you feel. When talking about it with these people do not use swear word. Never
say things you will regret saying in the future when the pain has eased.
2.
Take full responsibility of what has happened. Never
apportion blame to your ex or any other person who might have contributed to
break up that has led you into heart break. Because it is never easy or without
pain. It needs a lot of personal strength. Does not matter whether you are the
one who initiated the breakup or it is your ex who caused it. Both of you go
through this pain. This may or may not be the best thing to happen to you, but
either way it hurts. If you stay down apportioning blame to anybody or
complaining you will be sapping the remaining energy in you to stand up and
start again. As much as possible take full responsibility of what has happened.
Once you have calmed down a bit, do some
self examination and this can only be possible when you take responsible of the
situation. Did you in any way contribute to the break up? It is important to do
this as one should take responsibility for his/her own actions. More importantly,
there is learning in this to help you foster healthier future relationships. Be
it with your ex if you get back together or with another person.
3.
Avoid self pity and blame of yourself. Self pity
is the last thing you should feel, although most times this is the most natural
thing to feel. Self pity will make you vulnerable to other negative happenings.
Avoiding self pity because it will help
you to examine that your relationship. You will have time to ask if that your
relationship is worth saving? No doubt getting through heartbreak ex caused
hurts a lot, but it is important to think this through. Yourself examination
may surface things that tell you that you are better off not getting back
together with your ex. This decision still will not take away all the pain. But
you got to get to terms with the way things are and take the next step.
4.
Consider it a lesson for the future. Perceive
your recent break-up as a great opportunity to learn how to deal with such
experiences and become a stronger and a more mature individual. Like any other
challenging experience that pushes your emotional levels (such as employment
termination, loss of a loved one to a terminal illness, etc…) breaking up and
losing love today will “condition” you and will make your recovery from similar
experiences in the future easier, because as I said in my introduction they are
all inevitable “bad things happen to good
people.”
If you believe that you made certain
mistakes in your recent relationship, whether they were the ones that caused
the break-up or not, make sure you learn from those mistakes and move forward
as a person who possesses a better understanding of himself and his
interactions with romantic partners, and make sure that you don’t make the same
mistakes in the future.
5.
Do not think it is a waste of time. Do not
perceive a relationship as an investment and your lost relationship as a waste
of time. Be grateful! Be grateful for having been granted the joy of love and
affection of your former partner as long as your relationship lasted and don’t
forget that some things are probably just not meant to last. There is no
insurance against breaking up whether you have been together for one month or
for 20 years. Just look around you. I surely don’t need to tell you how high
the divorce rate is. Some people perceive it as a very negative by-product of
the modern, western culture, but I would like to suggest to you that it is
quite normal and even natural. However, I am not encouraging it. Because God said
“For I hate divorce!" says the LORD, the God of
Israel. "It is as cruel as putting on a victim's bloodstained coat,"
says the LORD Almighty. "So guard yourself; always remain loyal to your
wife." Malachi 2:16, NLT. Most people simply do not
belong with each other in a romantic relationship. Most relationships end, most
people who are dating, are bound to break up. There is nothing wrong with it. It’s
an inevitable selection process and we all participate in it. Accepting it as a
natural part of dating life is very important and can be quite effective in
helping you overcome a painful break-up.
RESOURCES
